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Christmas movies that should be considered holiday classics

Sure everybody's got "It's a Wonderful Life" or "A Christmas Story" on the burner in time for Christmas, but doesn't the same old, same old get a little old sometimes with no "same" in sight? The answer is-- hell yes it does. I would have also accepted "Yes". There are definitely more Christmas themed movies out there that some people just don't pick up on as holiday classics. Well let me tell you something, brothers and sisters-- I do. It being the middle of the night and all here at the near dawning of Christmas time, I've felt a sudden urge to write something few will probably read but the same old fuckers I know that have nothing better to do.

But to save you from the contentless blatherings of a tired man, I'll cut this short. Here's my list of holiday classics that I watch every year to catch some Christmas spirit.

-LETHAL WEAPON or DIE HARD (interchangeable)- whether you're dealing with heroin dealing mercenaries or German terrorists with some shitty Eurotrash accents, these two films are the perfect action packed thrill machines perfectly designed to put you right into the Christmas spirit. What's better than Mel Gibson about to blow his own brains out with Bugs Bunny singing Christma Carols in the background?

"Hey son- what day is it?" "IT'S GOD DAMN CHRISTMAS!" Find me a more heartfelt holiday ending than Carl Winslow blowing the shit out of some bloody German carrying an uzi right before a breakout of Winter Wonderland.

I don't think it could be done.

-BLACK CHRISTMAS (the 1974 original, not that bullshit remake)- I'm not sticking to just one genre, here. The horror lover has to wrap his/her presents, too, the same as anyone else-- what better of a movie to watch while doing so than this? You've got John Saxon as a badass cop and a creepy ass psychotic murderer preying on sorority girls during Christmas vacation. What a glorious occasion, destined to unite the entire family in harmonious yule-time bliss.

-BATMAN RETURNS - Do I even have to explain this one? "Two lives.. left... I think I'll save one for next Christmas."

-GREMLINS - Best use of Christmas music in a movie ever. I'm not too Christmas music savvy, so I'm not gonna know the name of this thing, but it's that goofy ass song that's playing right before the mom gets attacked by the Gremlins. "Do you hear what I hear?" This movie really shows that classic Christmas songs are just fucking creepy. And lets not forget about Phoebe Cates and her dad that broke his neck on Christmas Eve climbing down the chimney. They thought it was a dead bird or a cat or something until they pulled his ole rotten merry ass out of the fireplace with an armful of gifts. I wonder if they kept any of them.

-SCROOGED -

Bill Murray + Christmas Comedy = Bill Murray in a Christmas Comedy. I do believe the sum of that addition problem, in some countries, translates to "Best fucking Christmas Comedy ever made". This movie has everything... ghosts... Bill Murray... everything you need to make an amazing movie.

-ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS-
The other movies were pretty much masters of their genres in the Christmas area (even though the genres somewhat intertwine, I'm just going to ignore that fact and go along with what I say) ---I'm gonna go out on a limb here.. but I think it's a pretty sturdy limb. This may just be that I'm not that big of a fan of Christmas movies or that I'm just a genuine master of knowledge of everything, but I think this is probably the best Christmas movie ever produced by sweaty human power. I haven't seen any alien Christmas movies, but this may just be the best Christmas movie in the whole Galaxy (sorry Star Wars Holiday Special, I went there). Jim Varney brings a kind of childlike wonder back to Christmas that's been missing for decades. It's a wonderful thing when he puts on that blue jean vest and khaki hat. That's when magic happens, folks. And no, not fairy leprechaun magic... or none of that Harry Potter hoobily ha magic... I'm talking about real magic. Magic that comes from the heart deep down way inside the arteries with the white blood cells and the damage done from years of steak eating lives. It may be that It's 2 in the morning and I'm in a silly mood, but I think that Jim Varney Ernest Magic lives inside of each and every one of us and is only brought out on special days, like Christmas Eve. Watch Ernest Saves Christmas. Find that magic. Cherish it. Know what I mean?

HONORABLE MENTIONS - Home Alone 1 & 2, Nightmare Before Christmas, Crocodile Dundee in LA

-Clint

Dec 20, 2008 4 comments Share

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